Alright. I know that I'm an ass. You all know that I'm an ass but seriously... This story is RIDDICKulous.

I thought that I was going crazy because I smoked out of my box with a friend of mine the night before and when I went to go look for said box the next day it was no where to be found. We looked everywhere! and there was nothing. I spent some time in the city with a boy last night and most of today wondering what the fuck because it's not exactly a good thing to loose when you live in your parent's house if you know what I mean. So this friend of mine rules and both dropped me off at the train station and picked me up today. When we got to my house again just a little bit ago I disappeared in the bathroom and came back to find her sitting on my computer laughing at a picture of one of our coolest friends. His name is Brett. She turns to me and said, "So I looked in the Chipolte bag just in case you may have just stuck it in there... and then I look and wonder at the same time, 'What could she have done with that damn box?' and then I look over and see peering out of your Kleenex box..."

at this point we both fall to hysterics and laugh gayly in joy as we revel in Margot's discovery of the missing paraphanalia. Apparently in a stoned haze i had decided that the inside of the Kleenex box would be a smart and safe stash place for the time being. It was a wondrous moment that had to be documented. We can all sleep well, now that Woody Jr. has been found.

absolve
SYLLABICATION: ab·solve
PRONUNCIATION: AUDIO: b-zlv, -slv KEY
TRANSITIVE VERB: Inflected forms: ab·solved, ab·solv·ing, ab·solves
1. To pronounce clear of guilt or blame.
2. To relieve of a requirement or obligation.
3a. To grant a remission of sin to. b. To pardon or remit (a sin).
ETYMOLOGY: Middle English absolven, from Latin absolvere. See absolute.
OTHER FORMS: ab·solva·ble —ADJECTIVE
ab·solver —NOUN


this has nothing to do with anything but i can't help myself. i must post this. WARNING>>> this image that i found is seriously distubing and should be looked at with "caution"... check this out

I'm sick of typing the words "I feel shitty" but it's out of my hands at this point. I think the song Radio by Alkaline pretty much sums up what I'm feeling right now. Good song. Good lyrics.

Shaking like a dog shittin' razorblades,
waking up next to nothing after dreaming of you and me
I'm waking up all alone, waking up so relieved
while you're taking your time with apologies,
I'm making my plans for revenge
Red eyes on orange horizons
If Columbus was wrong I'd drive straight off the edge
I'd drive straight off the edge

Taking your own life with boredom,
I'm taking my own life with wine -
it helps you to rule out the sorrow,
it helps me to empty my mind
Making the most of a bad time
I'm smoking the brains from my head
Leaving the coal calling the kettle black and orange and red
This kettle is seeing red

I've got a big fat fuckin' bone to pick with you my darling
In case you haven't heard I'm sick and tired of trying
I wish you would take my radio to bathe with you,
plugged in and ready to fall

Shaking like a dog shittin' razorblades,
waking up next to nothing after dreaming of you and me
I'm waking up all alone, waking up so relieved
while you're taking your time with apologies,
I'm planning out my revenge
Red eyes on orange horizons
If Columbus was wrong I'd drive straight off the edge
I'm seeing red

I've got a big fat fuckin' bone to pick with you my darling
In case you haven't heard I'm sick and tired of trying
I wish you would take my radio to bathe with you,
plugged in and ready to fall


I'll write more later, maybe.

this has nothing to do with anything... but check this out.

i think i may start to really go crazy if i don't start working on my own work really soon. i don't know what's been keeping me from writing anything seriously all summer long but it needs to end. i guess i just should "make time" for it but i never really know when a good time for that would be. i hate the idea of a scheduled writing session but it may come to that yet. fuck. maybe i should start right now.

later kiddies!

It was a seriously rough night sleeping last night. I woke up in the middle of the night to a blunt sharp pain on the top of my right thigh. Upon further inspection when I actually "woke up" today I realized that I had stabbed myself in the leg with my own finger nail and it left a gash that drew a bit of blood. I wonder what I was doing in my dream when that happened... What I remember of my dream was that I was at my grandparent's house in Wisconsin, but they weren't. I remember controversy and lust but nothing specific. I also remember (but have no clue what time it was) that my older brother busted into my room and shouted something not important at me, waking me up. My reaction was one that could be expected, that is I screamed for the fucker to get the fuck out and leave me the hell alone. Yeah. It was a rough night.

ok. picture this. an interative video game. see there's a tredmill and when you walk you make the character walk. when you run the character runs. there should also be a few levers or something of the sort for the other buttons or proabably a directional pad. yeah. that's all i got for now. it would most likely get my lazy ass into shape, i'd bet. i wonder if i'll be a millionare.

copyright® June 2004, Laura M. Ewing
Out of My Mind Productions

Did you know that I ate an entire box of Hostess Cupcakes last night. Yep. It's true. Now you tell me something that I don't know.

People who know me or have at least just seen me, I'm sure can agree that I'm not a "well endowed" woman. This isn't something I'm typically concerned with. Having big tits doesn't really mean anything to me. I respect my body type though and therefore you won't catch me wearing clothes that are low cut to show off the cleavage that I don't have. Being little has it's advantages at times. I don't suffer back pain. I can get away with going without a bra when I want to. I know they'll never sag down to my belly-button when I get old. I consider these things good things. But having a small chest can be degrading at times. I'm 22 years old. At the store today I walked past the bras for the little girls and realized that I could fit into some of them. It was a low sad moment. I was so put off by it that I scratched the entire shopping trip as it was intended. Thinking about it now I could probably save money if I bought a kids bra, but I don't think I could ever bring myself to that. Oh well.

I keep having these moments full of "this is really my life" thoughts. yep. I'm having another one right now. This really REALLY is my life. It's no wonder to me why I act the way that I do. I'm not happy. I'm bored most of the time (as I sit here still in my pajamas watching a horrible MTV show). Most the time I want to punch every person I encounter in the face. Life in suburbia is so fake it sickens me. the people. the everything. Nothing feels real to me. Maybe that's why I do the things that I do, smoke, drink, hide. What choice do I really have? Should I put blonde streaks in my hair, wear half the clothing and go tanning regularly. Maybe I should get a lobotomy and sit in a padded cell drooling. If I had the choice I think I would probably choose the latter. but the problem i have with life seems a bit more complex to me. i don't hate myself. i hate my living situation. i hate my job. i hate that there is nothing to do here. but i can't help but think that it's the same thing everywhere.

this thought process is too much for me right now.

i had a dream last night that has left me not wanting to talk. i went through the motions of dying last night, in my dream of course, and it was one of the most awful experiences ever. how? i was going to explode and fall to the ground in a neat pile of ashes at 11:23. i knew the time. i don't know why. trying to accomplish all the things that my subconscious deemed important was the worst of it. i didn't get anything done the way i would have been happy had i really been dying. i was trying to write a letter to someone. had i been able to get out of bed and jump straight to my computer i probably would have typed it out word for word but i admit that i'm just a bit freaked out right now.

it makes the other dream that i had yesterday look like nothing and all that one was about was me being stalked by a person whom i wish i had never met.

"Kids, you've tried your best and failed
miserably. The lesson is, never try." You
used to have a goal, a dream. But somewhere
along the way, you failed at acheiving this.
Now, you don't even try anymore. You've most
likely given up on things you once loved. While
this attitude can prevent failure from
occuring, it doesn't help you acheive your
dreams either. Realize that all dreams aren't
impossible, and that life is what you make of
it.


Which Advice Quote said by Homer Simpson are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

i'm slipping into the monotonousness of daily life post school and post someone. it sucks to feel myself being taken over by this routine that i really don't have any control over. i sleep as much as i can whenever i can. i don't really eat anything anymore. just thinking about how much i've been smoking lately makes me both sick and long for another. yep. today is going to be not good. i just know it. you wait. you'll see. but you won't hear about it from me.