I keep getting pulled back to my computer. i open up my email accounts. i search through my lists of "favorites" and i know i'm looking for answers that aren't going to be there. but i can't stop looking for them. if i only try harder maybe i'll see them the next time. i close the window. immediately i reopen the same window. did i miss something. is it there? is it gone? was it ever there to begin with?

when i'm away from my computer the paranoia turns toward my phone. ask me how many times i picked up my phone today to stare at the screen wondering if it would ring or if i would have the nerve. ask me.

can you read my cryptic words?