This is what I wrote in while attempting to watch Dodgeball at the Vic tonight...

I went to Brew and View and I started to think about you. And then I stopped and really thought- and I had this realization that there really isn't anything left in this city that doesn't make me think of you

and then I cursed you.

Now part of me wonders if I shouldn't just get out of this place for good but right now that idea is impossible or so it seems.

It's like a thousand doors slamming in my face all at once and so it has felt for most of my life. You just added another one. I'm running out of places to run to. I think I might hate you now.

***
On the way home all I could think about was how it must be so easy to walk away when there's already a replacement in your bed. That is why it was hard for you before. That is why it's hard for me now (except the joke is really on me this time because there technically never was anyone but you ever in my bed where as you're actually getting some). I'm left empty and alone while you obviously have someone and I have a pretty damn good idea whom this lady is. There are so many questions that I want to ask that I don't want to ask and that I will never ask. All I really know at this point is that I can't talk to you, and I'm not sure if I ever want to talk to you again. I'm not saying that to be mean... It just is how I feel.

Now to every one else that may read this - for the record I've decided never to post about this again. We'll see now if I ever post anything ever again. Rejects don't need recognition. They need to die in peace.