For the record.

I had this conversation with no one the other day explaining how I don’t see myself as an ogre. I was analyzing about how there isn’t a guy within a 20 mile radius that I have found worthy of dating- not that that matters considering the fact that it’s not as though anyone’s beating down my door. I'm semi-positive that I would do just fine in a normal singles dating scene but they are there and I am here. I'm not about to start ANOTHER relationship where I have to use major public transportation to be able to see the guy. That sucks. I'm not doing that again (at least I haven’t gotten to that point yet.) I'm beyond frustrated. Living in the suburbs is killing me socially. Between my blank dance card and my dwindling list of friends I’ve become a sad human- dare I say OGRE. So be it. I'm stuck in this hell hole for as long as it takes because I have to get a degree. My life hasn’t been mine for a very long time and now that I'm free in another way I'm finding myself even more oppressed. I’ve given up on Prince Charming a long time ago and if I saw him I’d probably throw rocks at his head. What’s really pathetic though is the fact that I constantly fanaticize about lives with men who don’t want me. I understand that I'm not desirable. I get it. I’ve never thought that highly of myself anyway. It just sucks being alone. It sucks not having a date on a Saturday night, ever. It sucks feeling like an Ogre or an ugly duckling or a wallflower or whatever sad lame term that you want to put on me. I'm damaged goods, folks. I speak openly and bitterly and I don’t want to hear about all the hot dates that everyone else is going on. Don’t take that wrong. Those of you who are socially apt- good for you. Good. Grand. Fantastic. I'm happy for you all. In the mean time- shove it.