I would scream if I could, just to make you hear me. But I can't. I can't bring my voice above a whisper and that's just not good enough. Even when I actually get lucky, I feel anything but. I need to get out of this town. Start over somewhere. Maybe if I leave quietly, the turmoil in my mind and heart will disappear with me and I'll feel better about life and not have to hide in bed for 5 hours refusing to eat or speak to anyone.

All my problems in life are my fault completely. I know this. It all follows my continuing cycle theory. Take this for example: Right now I know that I'm starving but I can't bring myself to eat anything- to be specific the thought of actually consuming food makes me want to vomit- but I know that if I ate something that I'd feel better but as it is I can't stomach the thought in this haze of depression. So I'll go on starving myself until one of two things happen. I'll either cave and eat whether I feel up to it or not or I'll magically revert back to a normal state of mental health. And you all wonder how I maintain this wonderfully girlish figure of stick and bone! Ha. Well I guess the secret is out.