All I've thought about all day today is moving back into an apartment somewhere. Nothing else. Thinking like that makes me want to chuck all my material possessions and I may dive into an in depth cleaning/throwing away my childhood session when I'm done writing this- actually I'm almost certain that I will. I like throwing things away. I get to lessen the weight on my back. I've always wanted to be able to pack my life into one suitcase and disappear with no regrets. I'll get there someday. Right now with my life crammed into this room, I can still envision where my baby crib was, it's really hard for me to get things to feel right. Every time I feel along this line of motivation things get a bit better but I know that it will never be quite right. This room has too much history. I know every crack on the walls. That phrase that people say about how you can never go home again isn't entirely accurate. You can go home. It's just a lot harder to make it feel like the home it used to be. In my case it doesn't say much. This house has never been a favorite place for me but it's a roof over my head and music helps hold my sanity when everything else is yelling and angry outside my bedroom door.
Often when I think about living somewhere else there are numerous places that come to mind and I'm not sure that I'll ever really have a "home" or if I really want one. This world is too big to be tied down to one little place forever. There's too much to see and there's that view that I haven't gotten yet. Mountains, oceans, deserts, ice bergs. I want to see castles and the pyramids and the great wall of China. The wonders of the world. I want to see them all- every one of them. So that's where that whole "one suitcase" thing would really come in handy. I wonder if I could ever part with my books... I'd probably have to give them to someone, maybe sell a few for extra hitch hiking cash. When I leave this room next I want to leave no trace. I want nothing in this room that I'd ever want to come back for. To hell with it. Burn it to the ground, I'll be too busy having adventures to care.
Chicago. I've always been in love with this city though. All my best days were spent within it's limits...
Often when I think about living somewhere else there are numerous places that come to mind and I'm not sure that I'll ever really have a "home" or if I really want one. This world is too big to be tied down to one little place forever. There's too much to see and there's that view that I haven't gotten yet. Mountains, oceans, deserts, ice bergs. I want to see castles and the pyramids and the great wall of China. The wonders of the world. I want to see them all- every one of them. So that's where that whole "one suitcase" thing would really come in handy. I wonder if I could ever part with my books... I'd probably have to give them to someone, maybe sell a few for extra hitch hiking cash. When I leave this room next I want to leave no trace. I want nothing in this room that I'd ever want to come back for. To hell with it. Burn it to the ground, I'll be too busy having adventures to care.
Chicago. I've always been in love with this city though. All my best days were spent within it's limits...
2 Comments:
Uhm. You don't need to pack your whole life in a suitcase in order to see castles and pyramids. You just need to pack some of it. After your adventure, you can come back to your warm home.
The thing is I think I just want to keep moving around. Maybe I'll have a nice storage space to come "home" to. Then there's that fantasy that I have about living on a boat and sailing around the world. That way I wouldn't need to worry about one suitcase, like a turtle I could carry my home with me where ever I went. I've thought a lot about how I have too much "stuff" and that I don't really need any of it, really. But this is all just dreaming. I'll probably die here.
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