I can't stand feeling like I'm struggling with something- at the moment this thing has a name and the name is biology. The main problem is that the homework doesn't reflect the information that's in the book which means that I either have to be a lot smarter than I already am or I have to figure out a way to go beyond the book (I'd like to mention that I spent $100 on the wonderful used copy that's sitting on the floor next to me) and the notes that I diligently take every class period to figure out what's going on. I can't drop this class. I need this stupid lab. I will find a way to get my head straight on this material and I will fucking OWN biology when this is over. I'll write crazy stories about stealing DNA and alien plants taking over small cities. It will be amazing. You just wait. You'll see.

It's getting harder for me to want to do the right thing. I always start off every semester so well but as the weeks go by and the work piles up I watch the mountain and watch it grow and shrug at it when I think about actually doing something about it. All I want to do is read books and write stories. I don't want to tutor people about how to change fractions to decimals to percents. I don't want to memorize the 12 characteristics of life. I don't want to wake up at 6am everyday to be bored out of my skull. I'm paying for what? I should feel like I'm getting smarter, right? Well I don't. I feel retarded most days.

Fucking Bio. I can't get past it. I can't stop thinking about how mad it's making me. Everything makes me think about it- constantly. DNA. Cell reproduction. Viruses. Glucose. Lipids. Food. Energy. Bahh! I'll stop...

I'm going to be a fucking zombie tomorrow. You just wait. You'll see.