When I was a little girl I used to love to play in the dirt and mud. I would take my little plastic shovels or steal a small metal one from my mother's gardening tools and go off to a secret corner of my back yard and dig holes. I still like playing in the dirt, but now the holes that I dig for myself end up far larger and more interesting. Currently I'm standing at the bottom of the biggest hole that I have ever dug, staring up at what could be the sun- but it's been so long since I've seen the sunlight that I'm starting to forget what it looks like.

I'm failing my fiction workshop. The only class this semester that I have for my major and I'm failing it because of absences. I got an email from my teacher yesterday. She recommends that I drop it. The last day to drop classes without being screwed was Friday. I'm screwed. Do I even need to mention how this will effect my attempt to graduate?

If my theRAPIST gives me drugs I'll swallow the whole bottle with a tall glass of whiskey. It'll be a wonderful sleep. I'll die with a smile on my face.