Everyday it gets harder and harder to find a way to get up. And then the fear sets in and my chest feels heavy and it's hard to breathe. It's like I want to jump up and run to somewhere but my legs aren't agreeing with my head and all I can do is cover my head with the blanket and curl up into a ball and cry until the feeling stops. Sometimes it takes a long time for the feeling to stop.

I really want to ask for help, but even if it were right in front of me I don't think I'd have the courage to accept it. But it would be nice... Because it's not easy to watch your life fall apart alone. It's not so easy to watch everything fall through your fingers and not be able to stop it- to take hold again and get it back. And you all know about how once it's gone...