I am a failure of a human being, incapable of interacting with the rest of the species. Part of me feels like it's completely my fault- every time. It has to be. Let's look at the facts here, every time the only constant in every situation... is me. But then there's this voice inside my head telling me how that's wrong- that I feel the way I feel for a reason. It can't all be completely my fault! Whether I'm sensitive or whatever adjective you choose, isn't my fault. People so close to me should know better by now. And thus I begin to hate myself for all my faults. That's when the ping pong game of self loathing starts and all the rest is history.

I just don't understand why I always end up being surrounded with negative, combative situations. How can I help but think it's all me. Every person on this earth, on a certain level with me, argues with me, calls me names, assumes that I'm pissed off all the time (especially when I'm not). I'm at a loss here. How can someone tell me that I'm being mean when I'm not even speaking? How can someone not understand that my response isn't going to be all that happy when you ask me the same things week after week? Don't you get it by now? Should I write it down for you- OH WAIT! I already did that, yet you ask me again and again and do you guess and just get it all wrong or do you honestly believe what you say to me about my life is true. It's really really REALLY hard to live life around people who don't have a fucking clue who you are. I'm not that difficult to figure out- and if I am so be it. Just leave me the fuck alone. Don't come to me and back me into a corner and then make me feel bad when it all goes to shit.

It's all my fault. I know. It always is, always has been.