I've been avoiding things too much lately. Since this realization I've been trying to get back on track, making all sorts of fun appointments with people and pondering my "work" but things feel differently. These past few days/weeks (when the hell am I?) have been distorted almost, as if I have been living things at a distance. My dreams are filled with intense and amusing chase scenes and most mornings I wake up confused and completely disoriented. I haven't been taking any drugs either- maybe that's why. Maybe I'm experiencing some kind of withdrawal. Anyhow, I lied when I said that I wasn't worried about it. Every day I worry about it and sitting here now I've been glancing at my bed and avoiding the subject, choosing to fill my night with pointless internet quizzes that tell me what kind of sexual goddess I am, or what "woman type" I can fit into. Pathetic, I know but I find them funny. Did you know that my celebrity ideal crush is either Russell Crow or Sting? I had no clue. I wonder if they meant Sting (the Police) or the solo version. I have to admit that I've never much appreciated either.
I remember when I used to look forward to snow. Those were the days before shovel blisters and skidding tires. There is still a small part of me that sees the magical quality of snow. I used to love to try to see individual snow flakes. I loved how each one was different. "Eating snow" had more than one meaning then- still does I suppose. Snow was an amazing thing. You could run around in it all day and if you got thirsty you could grab a few bites of the clean stuff and be set for another round of snowball fights or finish building that kick ass fort. We made the coolest forts. I live right by this dead end and the snow plows would shove mountians of it against this fence. We'd spend hours, all of us kids in the neighborhood, digging out tunnels and clearning holes and ledges to stand on or hide in. Then when it was all finished we'd have a major snow war. Good times.
It was supposedly going to snow a bit tonight but looking out my window now into the darkness I can't see any signs of that. I'll more than likely go out and explore this further before I surrender to sleep tonight. Hmm. Why not now? Maybe I'll bring out drugs for extra exploring fun. Wandering around my neighborhood, alone, in the cold dark, under the influence, is quite exciting. Maybe someday you'll join me on one of my adventures.
I remember when I used to look forward to snow. Those were the days before shovel blisters and skidding tires. There is still a small part of me that sees the magical quality of snow. I used to love to try to see individual snow flakes. I loved how each one was different. "Eating snow" had more than one meaning then- still does I suppose. Snow was an amazing thing. You could run around in it all day and if you got thirsty you could grab a few bites of the clean stuff and be set for another round of snowball fights or finish building that kick ass fort. We made the coolest forts. I live right by this dead end and the snow plows would shove mountians of it against this fence. We'd spend hours, all of us kids in the neighborhood, digging out tunnels and clearning holes and ledges to stand on or hide in. Then when it was all finished we'd have a major snow war. Good times.
It was supposedly going to snow a bit tonight but looking out my window now into the darkness I can't see any signs of that. I'll more than likely go out and explore this further before I surrender to sleep tonight. Hmm. Why not now? Maybe I'll bring out drugs for extra exploring fun. Wandering around my neighborhood, alone, in the cold dark, under the influence, is quite exciting. Maybe someday you'll join me on one of my adventures.
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