When it seems like every other person in my family is dying...

I'm slowly beginning to feel more accepting of my fate in this life. Whenever I close my eyes and think hard about where I might end up in 5 years or more, it doesn't exactly look appealing. Tolerable. My future looks to me to be bordering on suicidal insanity, but never actually crossing that line. The images in my head do change from day to day, but never once have I ever glimpsed anything more than heartache, solitude, or a series of mornings waking up next to a toilet.

And I can rationalize the good out of those things! At least I had the opportunity to love and lose. At least I made it out of my parents' house. At least I didn't wake up with my face in the toilet. Those are positive things, right? Some of them haven't yet come to pass, but I'm waiting and hopeful that they will eventually.

I remember when I used to have dreams. I can't help but laugh at how naive I used to be. Nothing remarkable will ever happen to me. I've always known that to be true, deep down. It's time I came to terms with it.

In five years:

*I will be living alone, without a significant other.
*I will be well on my way to having a life threatening disease (cancer most likely).
*I will be not writing anymore, having finally realized it to be a waste of my time.

Those aren't anything like resolutions, my friends. Just predictions that I feel that I can count on coming true. Glass half empty, damn right.