I can almost feel my life propelling forward. Everything almost seems against my will. Even the clocks are mocking me. My dreams at night are shifting; their secrets blurred by morning. I don't know what I'm doing here...
Even with the distant sounds of street traffic, in that place, sitting on that bench, I felt safer than any other place I've ever known. Though the illusion was flawed I focused my ears to the sounds of the wind blowing on the prarie and it seemed to help my brain hurt less. I wanted to wrap myself in mud and leaves and sleep out there alone. I didn't want to leave. I feel like I've been fighting off something inside me all day long but nothing I do seems to purge the panic feeling in my gut.
Lately the world around me has felt as though its been growing and shrinking as often and as quickly as my breath. It leaves me feeling uneasy and unsure of just what I should be focusing my energy on. Thinking back I realize how much has changed for me, how many new opportunities have been exposed to me and how many have been missed or wasted because I was too afraid to act. I won't let myself be bothered too much with the concept of regret. It would be too easy to fall into that hole.
I can't remember exactly when it was, that I began to wish on airplanes. They are always an easy reminder to me of all the places I wish I could one day see- the things I dream of doing. I won't let myself question the reality of my dreams anymore- Will I ever get there? Will I ever really do that?
The wind was blowing sweet today, strong, and whispering change to me. It's like I can almost feel myself being caged. Spring has always been such a magical season, signaling a time for rebirth and new beginnings. I have to wonder what life has in store for me this time. I try so hard not to be scared.
Please believe me when I tell you that it will all be fine. I'll be fine. You'll be fine. Even if the world does decide to spin backwards...
Even with the distant sounds of street traffic, in that place, sitting on that bench, I felt safer than any other place I've ever known. Though the illusion was flawed I focused my ears to the sounds of the wind blowing on the prarie and it seemed to help my brain hurt less. I wanted to wrap myself in mud and leaves and sleep out there alone. I didn't want to leave. I feel like I've been fighting off something inside me all day long but nothing I do seems to purge the panic feeling in my gut.
Lately the world around me has felt as though its been growing and shrinking as often and as quickly as my breath. It leaves me feeling uneasy and unsure of just what I should be focusing my energy on. Thinking back I realize how much has changed for me, how many new opportunities have been exposed to me and how many have been missed or wasted because I was too afraid to act. I won't let myself be bothered too much with the concept of regret. It would be too easy to fall into that hole.
I can't remember exactly when it was, that I began to wish on airplanes. They are always an easy reminder to me of all the places I wish I could one day see- the things I dream of doing. I won't let myself question the reality of my dreams anymore- Will I ever get there? Will I ever really do that?
The wind was blowing sweet today, strong, and whispering change to me. It's like I can almost feel myself being caged. Spring has always been such a magical season, signaling a time for rebirth and new beginnings. I have to wonder what life has in store for me this time. I try so hard not to be scared.
Please believe me when I tell you that it will all be fine. I'll be fine. You'll be fine. Even if the world does decide to spin backwards...
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